What the hell does success look like, seriously? It's the only thing in this world I want more than anything! I swear to god the intensity of my want is so potent it could light a city. But how do I know when I'm there. I know when I'm not, I know it is a process. I know there are steps. But when I see a flashing light I can't help but to resort to dog like flailing in the wind tongue wagging. I have felt tingles of it, moments in life where my heart sparks. But then it putters out and I am left having to remind myself "YES, it's real it exists! You saw it, you felt it you just have to keep building up to it." But HOT DAMN jesus christ! It's hard to keep the faith. I wish I believed in it with as much assurance as I believe in aliens.
Slow down girl! Believe in the magical powers of birthday candle wish making.
Those highs and lows and in betweens are hard. I'm not interested in pretending they're not anymore or that they don't exist. I used to think my biggest obsession was MOUTHS but that's only half true. My biggest obsession is that chase, getting THERE. The magical emerald city of success. Success. SUCCESS. If I say it three times fast in the mirror will it happen? Every dandelion I see I treat like a lottery ticket. It's what I think about when I go to sleep, when I wake up, when I'm at a show, at work, filling gas. I look for signs to assure I am heading in the right direction. Clues, symbols to hold on to for the week. Days feel heavy but quick.
What does it mean to have a creative business? I didn't realize all those years ago when I drew pictures on napkins and scrapes that I was inventing my future. If I did would I have been more careful, looked up the steps. Made a logical plan? I was just doing what made me feel happy at a time when I barely remembered when my birthday was. I thought I was doing the work by making the things but that was just one step of the equation.
My hero's are not superhuman, they are not gods, they are not anymore special then the rest of us. They are people, like me, like you, that yes did the work but more importantly believed in themselves to an almost laughable degree. They had rock hard strength. They looked at the stars as they pounded the pavement. I think the reason we see people we admire as super human/celebratory is that confidence they are able to project. It's all a show, smoke and mirrors so that you buy into the fantasy of their success. I guess you trick enough people and poof you're a star. Fake it till you make it.